I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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