she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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