just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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