I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
