Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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