dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
