I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
