I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
