ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
