you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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