You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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