I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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