YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
