I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
