planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
