the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
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