He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
