Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
