How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
