So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
