I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
