Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
