Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
