so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
