im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize