it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
