and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize