Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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