Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
