maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
