im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Shame is for Republicans.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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