Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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