so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
