And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
