the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize