i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
