but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
