Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
