i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize