K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
