I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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