I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
its not stalking. its research.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
