I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
