I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
