She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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