she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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