I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
