i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
