Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
