can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
