you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
