you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He did a backflip because drugs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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