My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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