I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm at about main and main street
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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