I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
