and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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