ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
