We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Found your dick twin last night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
