Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
