she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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