I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
