he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
