forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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