I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
