Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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