Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
