I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
