her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
tell me about the eggs
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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