Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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