every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
