For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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