omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I bet he comes in French.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
