grandma shit on top of the toilet
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize