i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
