Having a random hookup so left but love u
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
