I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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