I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
