i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
