i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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