The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
