Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think i have two assholes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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