Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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