I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And my parents said I crawled through the house
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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